While She Was Sleeping
by rumnernikkiee
Summary: Have you ever done or said anything weird in your sleep? If so, Bella can totally relate. Edward would probably, more than likely, really enjoy it. Maybe. Entry for the Straight Thru the Heart Contest


**I thought I'd throw y'all a bone.**

 **Actually I just realized I never published this on my personal page... So here it is.**

 **I'm just going to put all the edited things I have my google docs because I'm that kind of girl. Daph did beta this, but don't blame her for this monstrosity either...**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Or don't, I'm not your mama.**

 **These characters don't belong to me, but the plot does and I apologize in advance for that.**

* * *

 _Spin._

 _Tippy-toe dance._

 _Does this make my butt look too big shimmy?_

 _Shake the girls in the bra to push them up._

With a huff, Bella disappears back into her closet to remove yet another offending garment. The carpeted floor of her walk-in closet becomes less noticeable with every dress Bella removes from her body. Another hanger screeches across the metal bar as she looks for her next victim.

The loud whine from her best friend, who is draped haphazardly across Bella's unmade bed, is this first thing in an hour to break her routine. She'd been doing the same song and dance for so long, she almost forgot that Alice had come over to _help_ her get ready. What Alice was really there for was to drink all her wine and tell Bella she was pretty. Basically, the only two things best friends were good for—at least one that has lasted as long as theirs had.

Alice has been the only constant Bella could ever keep in her life, but if she doesn't stop her screeching, Bella might reconsider their over thirty-year-long friendship.

Bella sheepishly pokes her head out of her closest door.

"What?" they both ask at the same time.

"What do you mean what?" Bella asks.

"What do you mean what?" Alice mocks.

"You're drunk."

"You're boring."

"You're a late bloomer, and you wished you had my tits."

"You might be right, but you're also going to be late."

"You're still drunk. You owe me another bottle of wine. That one cost over fifty bucks and," Bella says as she walks over and grabs the bottle from the nightstand, "you've drained it like some kind of vampire." Picking up a discarded pillow from the floor, she flings it at Alice.

"I hope you have explosive diarrhea. Well, after you make it home at least."

Alice's cackling is barely muffled by the downy pillow that was just lobbed at her head.

"Mmmmmmfffff … mffffmmmm…" Alice doesn't even have the will to remove the pillow.

"What was that?"

"I said 'put it on my tab,' witch!" Alice shrieks, tossing the pillow at Bella's retreating form, barely missing the lamp sitting on the dresser. The pillow smacks against Bella's back shoving her slightly forward. Bella's hands wildly flail, searching for the door jamb to her closet to keep her from face-planting on the floor.

"Ooo la la. Is _that_ what you've finally decided to wear?" Alice asks, and Bella turns to look at her long-time friend whose eyes are hooded and glassy. She's even wagging her eyebrows with her suggestive question.

"No."

"No, what?" Alice asks, confused.

Bella runs and launches herself onto the mattress. Alice's small frame bounces on the bed ,and springs squeak against Bella's weight. She lands within inches of her best friend.

"No, I'm not wearing _this_." She motions to her torso clad in sexy, red lingerie she picked up earlier in the week from her favorite shop. "Well, I'm not _just_ wearing this. I can't figure out what to wear." The last sentence comes out as more of a whine than Bella meant for it to.

"Oh, easy peasy. The navy one with the lacy top and three-quarter-length sleeves." Alice grins and waves her hand as if brandishing some fairy godmother wand. "Make your next question harder."

"But—" Alice's bony pointer finger presses against Bella's lips, silencing her.

"The only butt tonight is this juicy thang." Alice removes her hand from Bella's face and emphasises her point by smacking the butt of her best friend's retreating form. "Get it get it girrrrllllll."

 _Swack._

"Ooh. I didn't even notice that," Alice says excitedly as she pops up on all fours. "I see yo booty crack though all that bondage type stuff you got on the back of them drawers."

"Alice, once again, you're drunk. Please leave."

"Oh whatever. You secretly wish I'd be here when you got back with your date."

"I'm sure Jasper wouldn't enjoy knowing his wife was participating in a threesome he wasn't a member of. I'm telling him to come get your lush tail when his shift is over."

Her: _Your wife's hitting on me again, please come get her. I can't keep letting her down easy. Soon, I may have to give into her feminine wiles._

Him: _When?_

Her: _Now would be great._

Him: _Don't start w/out me._

Her: _You wish._

Her: _Alice probably does. She's drunk and down for anything._

Him: _May b I can talk hr in2anal. B in 20._

Her: _TMI Please get home before you try._

Her: _Consider putting down a towel. She'll probably get wine squirts._

The conversation with her best friend's spouse has Bella so distracted that she runs into the open door of her closet. "Jasper wants anal!" Bella shouts from inside her closet.

"Maybe I'll pretend to want it back and then poop on him."

"That sounds like some kind of fetish."

"It's only a fetish if we end up liking it," she yells as she wobbles off to the bathroom. "I'm 'bout to break the seal. I'm gonna have to pee all night!"

Bella loves her best friend, but some days she considers replacing her. If it didn't take so long to break in a new best friend, she just might start looking. Who's she kidding? She'd never replace Alice—not that she ever could.

Alice was there when she got her first period and her first crush. They went to college together and even got married in the same chapel in Vegas together. Well, not together-together, but they had a double wedding.

Alice married Jasper—the love of her life. Bella settled. She got wrapped up in the moment … and booze. Too bad it took ten years to figure out she had made a mistake.

If ten years wasn't enough years to give a man she didn't love, Bella gave away five more feeling sorry for herself. They were friends; they should have been able to make it work. Jake found someone he wanted to make it work more with. He found his love and left her.

Now was the time for her to quit moping and 'let the coochie free.' Those were Alice's words to her just last week when she asked what Bella's Valentine's Day plans were.

Obviously, sitting at home in her fat pants, drinking all the wine in her house, and eating the complimentary chocolates her boss gave her don't count as _plans_ —at least not to Alice.

So here Bella is, stuffing herself into another dress and trying to figure out what to wear on this blind date Alice arranged. "I hate this commercialized holiday, Alice. Why are you doing this to me? I thought you looovvvvvved me."

"I do love you, that's why I'm trying to get you laid. You need a sperm donor. Your clock is ticking, mamacita, and your eggs are going to dry up."

Annoyed, Bella replies,"If I wanted just anyone to father my children, I'd go to a sperm bank. I want love, Alice. Real love. Love that makes me float and fills me to the brim with excitement every time I see him."

"Sounds like gas to me," Alice interrupts.

"You know what I mean." Bella finally comes around the corner and stands in the doorway of the bathroom. "I spent too long faking it with Jake. He's happy—I want to be too."

"I know, belly boo boo. I want you to be happy too. That's why I set you up with James. Even if you can't find _love,_ at least you can get some good sex out of the deal." She cackles as she finishes her business and flushes the pot. Spinning around to face Bella, she lets out a wolf whistle. "Ay caramba, you're a sexy lady. If only I had a penis, I'd show you a good time." She wobbles slowly to the door and inches past Bella. "Personally, I'd lose the bra. You look like a hooker."

Bella doesn't even want to argue anymore, so she just removes the piece of lace Alice finds so offensive. Tossing the bra back into her dresser, she turns and curtsies her best friend. "Better now?"

Alice nods, then both women put their shoes on and collect the things they need for the night. Bella pulls on her peacoat, and Alice flops on the couch.

"Please don't have sex on my couch when Jasper gets here."

"I'll try to restrain myself until we get to the vehicle," Alice responds, winking at Bella. At least Bella thinks she winked at her; she could be about to completely pass out. _No one's fault but her own—she shouldn't have drank all my wine_ , Bella thinks to herself. Hopefully, Alice vomit on her new couch. Bella would make Alice clean it up later.

Out the door she goes to meet James _._ Bella starts to get hopeful as she opens the taxi door. She's been alone so long, hopefully Alice found her a good guy. Street lights blur past as her ride picks up speed, and for a short while she imagines a handsome man sweeping her off her feet and falling in love for real.

-s-{

The neon numbers read 12 o'clock on the old clock radio beside his bed. Boston's _More Than a Feeling_ plays loudly before he reaches over and lightly taps the button to turn off the alarm. He hates to wake up this late, but the life of a night patrolman calls for it. Life still moves on and Edward wants to live his life as normal as possible, so he likes to pretend that it's seven in the morning. Grabbing his glasses, he finally gets out of the bed. His co-workers keep telling him to get lasik, that his glasses hinder him at his job. Nothing ever happens on the night shift, so he does like he always does when his co-workers try to "de-geekify" him. He's only twenty-four and fully capable of finding a woman on his own. Just because _it_ hasn't happened yet doesn't make him a loser. Edward wants someone who appreciates him and loves him for who he is, in the meantime, he has his hobbies.

He unplugs his phone from the charger while scrolling through lists on his phone and turns on his _Get Pumped_ playlist and goes to his in-home gym. For an hour he switches from bouncing on a yoga ball to pulling on resistance bands, his sweat bands hardly dampen from sweat.

"Ah great workout," he says to an empty room as his stomach roars to life. "Okay, buddy, I'm working on it," Edward address his flat stomach and idly wonders why he doesn't have abs yet.

Edward eats a full breakfast every morning; his mom told him it was the most important meal of the day. Mama is always right, so he busies himself with the making of an omelette, bacon, toast, and a full glass of 2% milk.

The rest of his day is spent dusting his Star Wars collection. He barely has time to put his Spider Man comics in date order rather than the alphabetical order he once thought was a good idea.

Edward has to rush through his shower, making sure he rubs conditioner into the thick curls on his chest. His parents' genetics might have cursed him with a hairy chest, but at least Edward keeps it soft with daily conditioning and frequent hot oil treatments. Turning off the faucet and getting out of the tub, he wraps a towel at his hips and mostly lets himself air dry.

Brushing his teeth with one hand, he haphazardly runs gel through his bright auburn locks. Edward sneaks a glance in the mirror and laughs. No wonder the guys think he looks like a goob: his hair looks the same way it did the day he tested the electrical outlet with his mom's car keys.

Feet-shaped puddles follow behind him, stopping where the linoleum meets the carpet. Hurriedly, he yanks his uniform on, accidentally popping the top button off his shirt. He doesn't have time to change into a new one, so he just shoves his feet into his boots, grabs his duty belt, and runs to his old junker of a truck.

Thankfully, the engine turns over the first time Edward turns the key, and he doesn't have to fight with it tonight. Driving the speed limit, he finally makes it to the precinct to clock in and grab his cruiser keys.

He barely notices the date and jogs out to slide into his City of Forks cruiser and start his night.

 _February 14, 2015_

-s-{

"Bartender, I really did it this time! Let my friend talk me into a good time … Lookie, now it's twelve a.m., and he's run off redheaded bimbo. Lalalalala la la lalalala la la la," Bella sings loudly as she chugs the rest of her cocktail. "Give me another, Jake."

"That's not how the song goes," he says with his back to her, ignoring the glass she waves at him.

"And in my drunken stupor I did what I should've never done. Now I'm sitting here talking to you, drunk and on the run."

"I'm cutting you off, Belly, and calling you a cab," he says as he slides a bottle of water into her waiting hands. "I'm doing this as your friend, not bartender."

"I just want to be loved, and vodka loves me. Vodka understands. Vodka makes me free and wouldn't leave his blind date for someone barely legal."

"I'm sorry to tell you, belly button, but vodka has been around quite a few times tonight. He's just using you." Jake opens the bottle of water and tips the liquid to Bella's lips. "And you'll find love. You know we were over from the start. Just because we didn't work out, doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for you."

"We should have had babies. Now I'm old and my uterus will be defective," she cries, head sagging toward the counter.

"You don't mean that. Yeah, we're friends, but you wouldn't have wanted our kids to go through the divorce with us."

"Yeah, or we would have felt obligated to stay together, living our lie longer. I'm glad you're my friend, Jake. Everyone needs a Jake, and you're my best Jake."

"I'm your only Jake." His smile is friendly, and she hates that they both wasted so much of their lives trying to make something work that wasn't meant to be. He's right, but she'll never admit it to him. "Make sure you lock yourself in good. You know what normally happens when you've had too much to drink and you don't have anyone to make sure you stay in the house."

"Great! Thanks for reminding me that I'm forever alone and have no one to go home to. I thought you were my friend." She's annoyed, but still smiling.

 _I'm not that drunk,_ the thought crosses her mind as she wobbles out of the bar. Meeting at a bar …that should have been sign number one as to why this date would have never worked out. He couldn't even plan a proper date.

 _I hate Alice, and I'm sending out BFF applications first thing in the morning._ As she watches the moon follow her home, she slowly drifts off to sleep only to be jolted awake when the taxi comes to a halt at her driveway. She pays the driver and slowly walks to the front door.

She drops her keys three times before she gets the door unlocked, and it takes her twice as long to lock the house back up when she's inside. Thinking about what Jake said, she slides a small table in front of the door to, hopefully, keep her safe.

A trail of clothes are a result of her shedding them as she walks to her bedroom. She'll clean them up later, it isn't like she has a roommate to complain about her mess.

Standing in her bedroom with nothing on but her slutty underwear and thigh-high stockings, she searches for something to wear to bed.

Her gaze falls on a glossy red box sitting at the foot of her bed. Weird. That wasn't there when she left. Walking to the foot of the bed, she spots a note in Alice's handwriting.

 _Have fun! :)_

 _xoxo_

Could she have a more annoying friend? Obviously Alice didn't do too much digging on James. Or maybe he could have fooled her too.

Doesn't matter now. Bella pulls out a very lacy teddy.

 _Might as well get some use out of it._

She slips the gown over her head, pulls the gather under her chest, and then glances toward the mirror.

"Holy nipples," Bella shouts when she realizes the entire nightgown is sheer.

Deciding it doesn't matter, she climbs into bed, completely neglecting to take off her stockings or the garter belt holding them in place. Before she can realize they are still on, she is passed out in a matter of seconds.

Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz

"If the nine goes there, then the four has to go here," Edward mumbles to himself. Not being one to want to slack on the job, Edward has found several hobbies to keep him occupied while on duty.

His co-workers have encouraged him to take a nap or make up reasons to give people tickets. Both options go against everything Edward stands for, so he does Sudoku when the night is slow.

Nothing goes on in the roaring town of Forks to begin with, but since everyone seems to have gone thirty minutes to the next town over to celebrate the holiday, the place is extra dead tonight.

Frustrated that his numbers aren't boxing up right, Edward tosses his paper to the passenger seat and places his pencil behind his ear.

He puts his cruiser in drive and decides to make sure the residential side of town is okay. Maybe someone's Valentine's Day went horribly and he can ticket them for disorderly conduct. As soon as the thought enters his mind, he instantly regrets it. He's just bored, and maybe a little lonely. His mama always said the right woman would come barreling into his life and he'd never want to let her go.

Currently, he'd settle for Ms. Right Now to help with the tension he has built up. All this time, and he's never touched someone like that…

Now Edward has an erection and at least four more hours of work. Opening the window, cold February air filters in, numbing him and decreasing the size of his new problem.

He just needs a distraction. Driving around the darkened Forks streets should help just fine, as long as has something else to focus his thoughts on.

Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz

Bella slips out of bed more gracefully than she ever could in real life. She doesn't have a graceful bone in her body.

 _She_ does though. Alice likes to call her Isabella when Bella is in her current state and thinks _she's_ a good time. Bella, not so much. At thirteen, around the same time mother nature first paid her a visit, Bella was diagnosed with somnambulism.

Bella is a sleepwalker, or as Alice calls her: Isabella, the skanky twin.

Even if the sleepwalking was an inconvenience, it served useful on occasion.

Jacob even enjoyed Isabella, she was definitely more brazen when Bella was in a state.

This _woman_ could not be Bella. Isabella was everything Bella repressed. She might look like her and talk like her, but she definitely wasn't her.

Walking to her closet, she skips a sensible kitten heel for a ten inch see-through gag gift Alice purchased her. Had Bella been aware, she'd have fallen a dozen times just walking out of the closet. Instead she floats out of the closet grabbing a red sheer robe adorned with feather trim and goes to dig in a trunk filled with different odds and ends Bella has collected over the years.

Finally finding what she's looking for, Isabella stands in front of the floor-length mirror to admire her reflection.

Tousled hair and smoky eyes from smudged mascara give her a freshly sexed-up appearance. She pinches her cheeks to bring more color to them and puts the long black cigarette holder from a past Cruella Deville costume between her plump limp.

Isabella likes what she sees. She loosely ties the belt at her waist and heads downstairs.

 _There are no men here. What a shame._

She laughs at Bella's poor attempt to keep her indoors as she shoves the small table away from the door.

The crisp February air brings chills to Isabella's skin, but nothing will deter her from her manhunt. She elegantly strides down the street, taking small puff of the vaporized cigarette. The glow of taillights catch her attention, and she increases the speed of her stride.

Clip, clop, clip, clop she clamors down the sidewalk sounding like a prized clydesdale horse.

Reaching the vehicle, she is taken aback by the type of vehicle she has stumbled upon—a cop car. Before she can decide whether or not seducing a police officer is a good idea, the inhabitant of the cruiser faces her.

Stunning.

Both of their thoughts center on the same thing.

Too bad she looks like a lady of the night, and if he can't talk her into leaving he will have to take her downtown and lock her up for the night.

Rolling down the window, he starts to speak to the lady in red, "Ma'am …"

"Tell me about it, stud," she interrupts him.

"Are you quoting _Grease_?" he asks.

Thoughtfully, she studies him. She's never met a man who knew his musicals. Well, except Bella's old husband. That should have been a glaring sign to her that Jake wouldn't always be excited by Bella.

Isabella knows better. "Bye Felicia!" She waves him off and does an about-face to find new prey.

The click of an opening door alerts her of the cop's movement, so she spins to face him. Her actions loosen the belt holding her dainty robe closed.

"Holy nipples," Edward exclaims and swallows the saliva collecting in his mouth. His Adam's apple bobs with the act. The erection he finally got under control earlier bulges against his zipper.

She eyes the entire length of his body, maybe she was wrong with her first assessment. She approaches him slowly, slinking like a lithe predator. Finally, she reaches him, noticing the bonze rug on his chest.

Manly. Rugged. So many thoughts filter through her subconscious. She places her hand on his chest to test if the hair is as as soft as it looks. Putting her cheek against the velvety cushion of hair, she sighs. Rising and falling, his heart is about to hammer out of his chest. His scent is enough to send her in a tizzy.

This woman has him so worked up that his glasses have fogged from their heavy breathing. Edward pulls the heavy frames from his face to rub the condensation from them. The process pushes her away from him, her bosom heaves.

"Ma'am, if you can't control your actions, I'm going to have to lock you up at the precinct," he says, trying to shake away the wicked thoughts forming in his mind. A woman has never treated him this way, even if she's someone you have to pay for their affection—literally.

"Oh, I'll let you lock me up, big boy," she says, holding her wrists out for him to cuff them.

Delicately, he places the cool metal rings below her hands, brushing them in the process. Electricity pulses between the two of them. After leading her to the back of the squad car, Edward opens the door and slowly places her inside. At the last minute Isabella grabs him by the belt and yanks him inside with her latching her lips to the skin below his ear. Flustered he scrambles up, ripping her robe completely off and snapping one of the straps to her garter belt while trying to escape her clutches. She giggles as he clumsily exits the back seat and slams the door in her face.

The cool air sobers him up slightly, but doesn't clear his scattered thoughts, so he beats his head on the hood of his car. Filling up his lungs with the cool air, he shakes his head to rid his brain of the filthy thoughts. Edward then gets back into the car and adjusts the gear shift to drive.

"I live in the white two-story house back there," she says right before she passes out with her face pressed against the metal bars of the divider.

A small chuckle escapes his lips as he shifts from drive to reverse, backing up to the quaint little house she pointed out before she fell asleep. He leaves the driver's seat and pulls her out of the back seat, cradling her small frame close to him. She left the door to her house cracked, but thankfully this is a quiet night so no one broke in while she was gone.

Edward softly places her on the cushy couch and grabs a tattered quilt off a chair to cover her body with. Room by room he searches to make sure there are no intruders. The house surprises him. He was expecting a dungeon of sin, but he was met with light colors and a beachy feel to the place. Feeling like he's overstayed his welcome, he checks on this strange woman once more.

Smalls snores greet him, and he laughs once more. He smooths her hair away from her forehead and places a small kiss on it. Shocked by his actions, Edward scrambles out the door and runs to his cruiser to wait until morning when he's off.

After he clocks out, he drags himself out the door and drives home, not able to get the alluring lady in red out of his head. He tosses and turns, unable to sleep. His alarm finally goes off, him not sleeping a wink. Skipping his usual routine, he showers and throws on some clean clothes.

Careful not to break any speeding laws, he drives over to the mystery woman's house—to check on her, of course.

He grabs a few daffodils growing beside the walk up to her house. Knocking on the door, he starts to feel some hope.

Slowly, she opens the door, fresh faced, with her dark and wet hair thrown up in a messy bun on the top of her head. Baggy, blue, striped linen pajamas hang loosely on her frame. His grin apparently isn't catching as a frown is displayed on her face.

"No solicitors welcome," she barks as she slams the door in his face.

-;-

A loud bang startles them both out of their current day dreams. "Are you two love birds going to tell us what y'all are thinking about instead of telling us how you two met?" Alice asks impatiently.

The couple cracks up, and Edward exclaims, "It was love at first sight!"

"You thought I was a prostitute," Bella cries.

"You were sleepwalking, an easy mistake. Still doesn't mean I couldn't fall in love with you at first sight," he states, grabbing his new bride and planting a big, wet sloppy kiss on her lips.

The group around them laughs and cheers as Edward and Bella stare at one another, knowing that even though they met in a truly unconventional way, the love of their lives was found on the cold February morning.


End file.
